I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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