in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
