Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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