If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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