don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
