i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
