margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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