My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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