pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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