Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
