my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
