at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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