haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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