that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
