we made out on top of his cat.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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