dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
