You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
