you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
