Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
