i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
