party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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