Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
