I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
