I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
