I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
