There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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