i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
