I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
