don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
either way he was missing a nipple.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
