if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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