I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
