Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i think im in europe. pls send help
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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