dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
