You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
