You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
