I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dicks are not precious.
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