All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i love accidental penises.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
