I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
