Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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