I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
