a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
