I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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