i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
