Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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