Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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