Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
