Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
