woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
