i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I want to make a zoo with you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
