I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
